Life goes on...

   I have been anticipating this time of year for a few weeks now and the memories that go with it. For so many reasons I feel like the last year has flown by and at times stood still. I have SO MUCH in my life that I am thankful for. But a part of me is still sad for the loss of my friend. It will be a year ago on Monday that she was killed in a car accident. 1 year.  Today would have been her & Mark's wedding anniversary, tomorrow she would be helping her daughter move to college where she is going to play soccer, she would have been laughing at her son while he played with Reagan, she would be smiling the biggest smile and she would be SO proud of her family. But her chair sits empty. I thought after a year I would be used to it, but I am not. I miss her. I miss talking to her and sharing things with her. I am sad that Kamryn never got to know her. I try to stay positive when Reagan talks about Karen in heaven, knowing she is happy there, but sad that she is not here. Sometimes I am just sad. I don't want my girls to remember Karen through sadness, but remember her for her love of life.
   I write sometimes, nothing big just for myself. But I wrote something that someday I hope to share with Reagan.  On August 6, 2010 we saw Karen for the last time. We went outside for a walk and they were getting ready to leave so they came over. We talked for a few minutes and they walked back to the car. On the way Karen said I love you Rea and blew her a kiss. I will cherish this memory forever as it is the last one I have. This is what I want Reagan to remember and someday tell Kamryn about. We explained to Reagan what happened (in a way a 3yr. old can understand) that Karen is now a star in the sky.


As I go to bed at night, I look up at the sky

I get ready to say my prayers, and then I ask Mommy why?
Why are you a star so bright and why are you not here?
Why don't I get to see you anymore, why are you way up there?
Where is Heaven I once said, not sure I really knew.
Mommy teared right up because it made her think of you.

I started to say my prayers and lay down in my bed
Mommy laid right next to me and gently rubbed my head
She said that when we look up into the sky so bright
You are a shining star that lights up all the night

We lay in bed and talk of you like you are still here
Mommy starts to cry and then she pulls me near
She kisses me on my head and wipes a tear from her eye
She said that she was sad that we didn't get to say goodbye

I wasn't sure what she meant but I knew one thing was true
My heart was filled with sadness because I was missing you too.
I held onto Mommy's hand and wiped the tear from her cheek
I kissed her on the head and then I started to speak

Don't be sad I said to her on the night so dark
I know that star is looking down and it is breaking her heart
Mommy sat right up and smile came across her face
Your right she said to me, She is in a magical place.

The last time that I saw you, you blew me one last kiss,
I didn't know it would be the last or how much you'd be missed.
I got to hear you say I LOVE YOU as you turned and walked away
I will hold that with me through every single day.

As I start to yawn there is one thing I must do.
I turn to my window and kiss my hand and blow it up to you!
Goodnight to my star up in the sky shining so very bright
I love you very much and send my kisses to you every night!